spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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