CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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