How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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