after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
