she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Randomize
