You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
