just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
