So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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