I cockslap morals
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
you inspire me to be a worse person
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
