According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
