I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
