I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
