i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
