what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
