I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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