So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
