My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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