your parents love me but you hate me
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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