The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
