i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
