We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
