You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
