I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
