It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
