fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
