my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
