So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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