so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
