So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
