That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
