can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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