she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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