I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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