omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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