We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
