So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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