I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
