I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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