I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
