I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
