She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
this beer tastes like vomit already
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
