last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
