Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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