How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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