Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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