were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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