dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
