A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
