I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
