i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Randomize
