I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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