we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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