i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
