My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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