I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
