tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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