I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
