I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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