I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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